I have so many single women that contact me 24/7 for all kinds of relationship and dating problems. As a dating consultant for women, I’ve heard every kind of heart-wrenching disappointment imaginable. But I must say, the one where more women sooner than later find themselves at a loss, it is the Friends with Benefits situation. It is a situationship that benefits no woman, period!
For example, there’s this one woman, I’ll call her Sara, who came to me out of desperation that needed my help in convincing this guy, I’ll call him Mike, that she’s been sleeping with to take her seriously as more than just a friend. She found herself head over heels in love with this guy and wanted the benefit of being his girlfriend. He just wanted the benefit of sex without commitment.
The truth is, she wanted to be his girlfriend all along and thought if she waited long enough he’d come around. Like most women, she thought to be friends and sleeping together was the high road to a serious romance. Unfortunately, rarely does a guy think of casual sex and a committed relationship at being the same thing. A man can have sex for just sexual gratification alone, no emotional connection involved, but certainly not a woman!
The human male is an autonomous sexual being who is biologically as well as innately designed to need sex. His brain is hardwired that way to ensure that he would produce offspring’s. But the female brain is hard-wired differently. Her brain is telling her to bond with the guy which makes her relationship ready in a heartbeat. Nature could care less if their just friends!
The human female is biologically and innately designed as a bonding emotional being. The female brain produces a hormone called, Oxytocin, a brain chemical that allows the female to bond. Males produce the bonding chemical as well, but during sex, their testosterone levels rise significantly and this blocks the chemical so that males don’t bond. Yet, the female brain automatically starts to produce above average amounts of oxytocin through physical intimacy. With her oxytocin levels elevating dramatically it causes her to emotionally bond significantly with her partner. This rise in oxytocin will last from one to two years and sometimes even longer.
This is nature’s way of ensuring that she will stay with her partner long enough to bear his offspring’s. This is the reason why for a woman, sex and bonding are intertwined and is the main reason why women think, like for example Sara, that sex with her partner will make him feel the need to bond the same as her, but it is only female perception. Why do you think women are so famous for initiating, The Talk!
So, the answer to whether a woman would benefit in a non-relationship? Absolutely not! There is no benefit for her at all. Also, men are fixed-in-nature where women are changeable. This means that he won’t change, like for example Mike, what is benefiting him, but for the woman who soon finds herself emotionally involved will want the non-relationship to change to a committed one.
Yet, the biggest problem with, FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS, is the very fact that men are by nature, Transaction Relational while women are Unconditional Relational. Why is this a major problem? A man mainly values what he earns and in a non-relationship nothing was earned. Therefore, he wouldn’t think to commit to a partner that he didn’t earn. But since a woman is uncompromising in matters pertaining to a serious relationship, she would expect him to do so if that’s what she wanted. As you can see the benefit for her turns out to be absolutely nothing.
Like, Booty Calls, Hooking Up and even Hanging Out, all invented by men, the concept of physically intimate non-relationship friends is also only for men. So, I wouldn’t call it, Friends with Benefits, I’d call it, Friends with Male Benefits!