“A Man on the Rebound”

A man on the rebound is little boy lost!

The loss of a partner whether, by divorce, death or a breakup can be more devastating for a man than for a woman. One important reason is that men don’t feel comfortable sitting around experiencing their feelings. They would rather find ways to suppress their emotional pain than to deal with it directly. Not only that, but men are problem solvers, so when they lose a partner they usually rush right back into another relationship. Problem solved!

But unfortunately, a new partner won’t heal his broken heart. A man on the rebound will get into a new relationship out of his need to suppress his pain. This is not emotionally healthy for him since it will not eliminate the pain nor is it emotionally healthy for the woman either. He will find himself making promises to her his broken heart couldn’t possibly keep. If there is one thing a broken heart cannot do, it is multitasking!

The fact is rebound relationships rarely last because they are based on a need to be in a relationship. A man should be in a relationship because he wants to be in one, not because he has a need to be in one. What a rebounding man soon discovers is that he can’t make up his mind whether she is the right woman nor can he keep his commitment to her.

He is . . . a little boy lost!

Most people believe that time is all that’s necessary to mend a broken heart. Yet time, itself, is not enough if we don’t at least recognize the pain we are experiencing and deal with it. What a man on the rebound must do is take responsibility to heal the pain from his loss. He must take the time to feel all the negative emotions associated with the loss of a partner such as anger, fear and sorrow until his pain goes away. If he can’t do this by himself, with the support of close friends and relatives, he should opt for counseling or even therapy.

Since men are fixed-in-nature they automatically form a strong attachment to a long term partner. This explains why divorce is more often initiated by women (women are changeable-by-nature) than by men. When we lose our partner, especially with men, instead of our lives moving forward, we reverse direction and go back to live in our past. Living each day with memories of the life we had with our then partner. This is one sure sign that a man is in a rebound stage of his life.

Yet, with the right help and support, even though the memories of the ex-partner are still present, a man will eventually be able to move on. He will begin to experience new feelings of peace, happiness and a purposeful future ahead as the feelings of anger, sadness, sorrow and fear dissipate from his heart. This is also the right time for him to pursue a meaningful relationship.

He becomes . . . a little boy found.

A woman interested in a man who is on the rebound should be on the lookout for signs that he is not ready for a significant relationship. Unfortunately, most women who find themselves attracted to such a man totally ignore the fact that he’s not ready. What usually happens is that they come up with convenient excuses for his loss-of-a-partner dilemma. They find themselves mothering him because he so lost and only recognize his weaknesses and not any of his strengths.

Why? It is a Woman’s nature to instantly bond which makes her relationship ready in a heartbeat. If she finds herself head-over-heels for this guy, she’ll want a serious relationship with him regardless of the consequences. Also, as I mentioned, women are changeable-by-nature and believe men are too. A woman believes that given enough time he will simply change. She’ll enter into the relationship without any second thoughts!

She will become . . . little girl lost, and most likely with a broken heart!

A loving and caring relationship between a man and a woman is a responsibility that both single men and women share, both before it begins and after it starts. If he is suffering from a loss of a partner it is his responsibility to mend his broken heart first before entering into another union. It is her responsibility to not make excuses if he is on the rebound and rush head on into a relationship with him.

When we first heal our wounded heart, then and only then can we truly love once again, if not, we will continue to be little’ boy and girl lost.

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s