Most people would agree that sincerity in a person, is in fact, one of the most important qualities in a potential mate. When you first begin getting to know someone, certainly there are imperfect things about them that you soon discover. Knowing about these imperfections helps you when left with deciding if indeed this person is truly genuine and worth your time and effort.
A person should get all their misadventures or indiscretions out in the open, be totally upfront and above board with you in the beginning before the relationship takes a turn towards seriousness. Right? Well, I used to think so, but not anymore! Let me tell you a story about a guy named, Jim, who learned this lesson the hard way.
Jim was living for three years with his girlfriend, Gale, when she finally gave him the ultimatum, marriage or break up, take your pick! Jim, twenty-eight, was perplexed by this because he wasn’t sure if, Gale, was the woman that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, but to keep the peace, he agreed to at least get engaged.
Meanwhile, after only one month into his engagement, while taking a night course, he meets Cynthia, a woman he found himself going totally nuts over. He knew the moment they met that she was the one and only woman for him. Of course, at the time he felt that he couldn’t confess that he was engaged and living with his fiancé.
He continued both relationships for a good two months before he finally told his fiancé that there was another woman. He also felt the need to be totally honest with Cynthia that he was engaged to another woman. It may have taken him all of two months to come clean to both women, but his honesty was too early, never late and perhaps shouldn’t have come at all. He lost both women and any chance he had of true happiness with the woman he really loved. So just how should he have handled it?
First of all, meeting Cynthia only helped him to realize he wasn’t crazy in love with Gale, at least not enough to want to marry her. Maybe he needed those two months to finally make the decision to leave Gale. Did he have to tell her that there was another woman? No! He only had to explain to her that he didn’t love her enough to marry her, period. Did he really need to confess to Cynthia that he was engaged knowing he was breaking off the engagement? Absolutely not! All his honesty got him was instead of one person getting hurt for all the right reasons, three people got hurt for all the wrong reasons.
After a whole year of solitude after losing Cynthia, Jim started to date once again. Each woman he went out with on the first or the second date he felt the need to explain how he had broken an engagement to one woman he had been living with for three years because he found himself in love with another. It may have sounded like a pretty sad story, but all his dates fully questioned his male integrity. Why? They didn’t know Jim well enough to fully understand just what he was personally going through at the time.
It is one thing, to be honest about your past relationships, but the time is certainly not in the beginning when you hardly know each other. How can a person truly ascertain your motives when they don’t know you? They can only form a quick judgment by what they hear. In Jim’s case, his dates quickly assumed that he had no integrity and must be fickle. Had he waited a good six to eight months before explaining his sad tale of woe, they would have known and understood him much better which would have been in his favor.
Jim soon found himself on a roller coaster ride of first dates because none of the women were interested in a second date with him. It didn’t take him long, though, to figure out that, yet again, his upfront honesty was ruining his love life. He stopped professing his past indiscretions to his dates and finally found a woman, much like Cynthia, whom he eventually married. So the question remains, is honesty the best policy in the beginning of a relationship? The answer, ask Jim!