Whenever I read an article, a blog post or a book that someone wrote about relationships or dating these phrases pop up . . .
“I want you but I don’t need you”
“I want a man but I don’t need a man”
“She needs to want me, not need me”
“In love, I want to be wanted but not needed”
They are becoming popular catchphrases that seriously make no sense! Why? Well, for one thing, we human beings have needs just as much as we have, wants. When it comes to love between two people in a long-term relationship, being needed is just as important as being wanted. To be human is to have needs and to be needed, not just want and wanted! To tell you the truth after the last two sentences I shouldn’t NEED to explain any further. But because I am human and feel the NEED, it is necessary for me to continue.
We are living in a time where equality between the sexes has allowed women a kind of independence that our female ancestor would never understand. Men and women equally share financial support for their families. Higher education and diverse career paths offer our youth the opportunities to be financially independent as responsible adults. What all this means is that we can provide for our own personal needs. But love, itself, should not be part of that equation.
To state that you want, but don’t need or be needed by your significant other, translate as you being a person who is self-centered, unfeeling and uncaring about what a real loving relationship with another human being is seriously about. You want to be loved by that special person who gives meaning to your life, without having any needs or giving any needs, then you lack the personal sacrifice necessary to make that union meaningful.
If it’s simply a case of creating these catchphrases to Trend Set, meaning to create a new movement on human love, it won’t brand accurately. Human love is both biological and instinctual, which means the blueprint has already been designed and cast. No movement, individual love genius or guru on the face of this earth can redesign human love. It will remain what it always has been since the beginning to the end of human existence.
Perhaps these catchphrases about want but don’t need gives a personal notable meaning to those who feel unworthy of love. Perhaps it is individuals who seek safety in a relationship rather than having to feel vulnerable that confess to only want but refuse to need. Human love requires need as well as want. If you are not up to the task of accepting need, then you are not ready or even worthy of love.
Men need to be needed by the woman they love, it is how they express their love. If a man doesn’t feel needed, he will feel useless and sad, eventually leaving the relationship. A woman in love will take the time to identify and then act accordingly to the needs of her partner. This is how she expresses her love. A man will dutifully act accordingly to what his partner needs every single day.
Two people in love require that they need one another. When we truly love and care for someone, those feelings demand that we sacrifice some of our own personal independence which in turn makes us as one.
To be needed and wanted both at the same time is a true gift of love. So the best catchphrase for love should be this . . . “I want you, I need you, I love you”! Don’t ever think for one minute that being needed or having needs is a downside to being in love. Need itself is one of the biggest purposes of love.