As a love science mentor, I often have interesting and quite informative conversations with single men. One of the biggest issues that they all seem to share is dating what they refer to as a . . . desperate woman.
The conversation goes something like this . . .
Client: “It’s after the second or third date and she’s acting like we’re an item already!”
Me: “Were you physical in any way, like kiss her passionately and have your hands all over her?”
Client: “Well, yeah! She’s hot!”
Me: “Did you inform your date that you are also dating other women?”
Client: “Hell, no! No guy tells a woman that sort of thing!”
Men are autonomous physical beings and so that is exactly how they date, in an independent and if they can get away with it, a very physical way.
Women, on the other hand, are bonding emotional beings and so they date for the sole purpose of finding a mate! A conversation with a single female after she’s been on a few dates with the same guy goes something like this . . .
Me: “So how is it going?”
Client: “Things are great! We really enjoy each other’s company and have so much fun together!”
Me: “Any chemistry or compatibility worth discussing?”
Client: “Oh, I’m so attracted to this guy and he’s such a great kisser! He’s also very affectionate, which I love! Yes, we share a lot of the same interests and values too! He is such a great guy!”
Me: “Did he mention if he’s dating anyone else?”
Client: “No, but I doubt it! He is so into me, he doesn’t even look at other women! I think he’s got to be the one! Seriously!”
I’m sure you can gather from the conversation that this woman is in La La Land! Do you see the dilemma here? Men and women are complete opposites when it comes to dating.
Men need to understand how they send mixed signals when they date through male perception. Women need to understand how they send mixed signals when they date through female perception. The idea is to have them date through their opposite’s perception.
On the first few dates, a guy must understand that being too physical and without confessing that he’s dating other women will make his date emotionally bond and assume he’s really into her, which in turn makes her seem desperate. Women must understand that though her date is being physically affectionate and behaves like she’s his whole universe does not mean he’s ready to commit.
Dating is about getting to know each other and that takes time. A few dates will only reveal if you are attracted to each other and if you enjoy each other’s company or not! I recommend to all my clients to date by the numbers. Until you’ve gotten to know someone to the point where that person becomes special to you, it’s best to date others so to keep your options open. That also means, letting every person you date know that you are dating others.